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ESSAY #2: Lessons I learned from ‘ABOUT LINA’

ESSAY #2: Lessons I learned from ‘ABOUT LINA’

After 13 blogs, 11 process posts, and 17 videos from just this single semester, I am now confident enough to say that:

I still don’t know everything about myself. I still don’t know what I want to do in the future and where I will be. But that’s perfectly okay! What I know is that these little efforts I am putting into this blog and myself ultimately will stack up into a strong pile of rocks and help me realize who I truly am.

Here are some lessons I have learned from this course:

  1. Embrace the uncertainty and growth. Just live the moment and do your best.

I started “About Lina” because I had a difficult time organizing my thoughts and expressing myself. I wanted to take this opportunity to explore various ways to show myself and see if writing and making videos really make me the happiest. I am happy to say that Publishing 101 really pushed me to be the better myself, even on the days I didn’t feel like getting out of bed. Thruogh writing process posts and taking on challenges of creating new content, I became more appreciative of life and think less (and worry less). I was able to become more attentive to my actual self and be less critical of my qualities as I came to reflect on myself more than before. Observing both good and bad qualities, I learned to embrace myself with more warmth and understanding. After all, this kind of content is unique in the sense that I am putting my personal experiences and thoughts out there. My words, my pictures, my videos, myself. “It took me a while to realize that there is one other thing that I can actually offer some valuable perspective on, and that’s making independent media. Making it, and making it your job“(Thorn, 2012).

2. People don’t pay attention to you more than you think they do.

And thank you. This is honestly what I needed to know. It’s not that I am self-absorbed, but I would care too much about what others say or would think of me. I would constantly put myself in turmoil with all the “what if’s”, thinking that that or that person would think this and this of me. But, in truth, no one cares. And even if someone judges you for your quality, the feeling of embarrassment should be on them, not you. I used to be so scared of putting myself out there but I feel more confident in expressing myself to others and showing who I am. In fact, I want to show more of myself because I want to.

3. The world is big.

The world is big. I was very fortunate to experience one of my reels I had uploaded during the semester reach 284k views, allowing my Instagram to garner more than 400 followers from this single video. I received so many messages from strangers online and around 35 single comments, allowing me to talk to so many people I had never talked to or knew. This also allowed me to see that the world is so big and that I am just living in a small pond. This led me to feel less stressed about where I am as this was such a humbling experience. Also, there were people who were so much more talented than I am yet who shared so much of common interests. “With counterpublic communication, which is often happening among relatively small groups of people, the ability to reach an appropriate audience is especially important. With changes in platforms and networks of users, media ideologies shift.” (Renninger, pg.1517) I felt safe and more sure of my future and what I could offer to the society.

“Termed the online disinhibition effect, the theory is that the moment you shed your identity the usual constraints on your behavior go” (Konnikova, 2013). Not that there was any aggressive manner in my social media but I could relate to this on a more personal level that I felt like I had freed myself from the constraints or box that I have put on myself. Because I was out there, I felt more free. This was interesting because I thought I would be more vulnerable. Feeling vulnerable never felt so good before.

I wasn’t sure what I was doing and where I was going with this blog/Instagram/YouTube in the beginning as if my google map kept rerouting. But, I believe I have finally set my destination – and all I have to do is go for it. I know I’ll get lost during this long trip but that’s okay as well because I can just reroute and still go towards where I wanted to go.

I will definitely continue this blog as I feel like I had just started. Same with my instagram. In fact, taking this course just motivated and flicked fire in me to start my YouTube channel again. In the future -When I leave Vancouver and move to Korea again, I definitely want to show myself a little more aligned with my culture.

Bryce J Renninger. 2014. “‘Where I can be myself … where I can speak my mind’ : Networked counterpublics in a polymedia environment.” new media & society http://nms.sagepub.com/content/early/2014/04/09/1461444814530095

Jesse Thorn. 2012. “Make Your Thing.” http://transom.org/2012/jesse-thorn-make-your-thing/

Konnikova, Maria. 2013. “The Psychology of Online Comments”. http://www.newyorker.com/tech/elements/the-psychology-of-online-comments

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