“Why did you come to Canada?” “What made you study English?” “Where do you like living in more – Canada or Korea?”
Why did I come to Canada? Why am I learning English? Where do I like living more?
I wish I had a grand answer to explain myself when faced with those questions, but all I really want to say is –
There was no why.
There was no choice for me.
I learned and spoke English like a person who had just discovered fire. Clueless, curious, and in awe.
I didn’t even know there was a country called Canada and only knew A, B, and C.
The fire which I had just discovered was vital in keeping me alive but also enough to burn me.
I spoke English like I was hunting – always on a survival mode
Trying to defend myself from the arrows of discrimination and constant feeling of being lost.
Seeking fruit or gold somewhere – I know it’s somewhere.
I needed to get better at English to find the purpose of living in an unknown land.
I needed to get better in order to coax myself to sleep, thinking that learning English will make me feel belonged – one of them.
I don’t know if I ever really found anything.
I am still trying to find the answer to the whys.